A Letter to My Future Daughter
To My Future Daughter:
You have been visiting me in dreams for a few years now. Each time, you’re simply reminding me that you’ve chosen me, but you’re waiting for the perfect time.
I’ve written poems to you, told your future father in subtle ways that I know you exist, and honestly, you’ve been the grounding force that keeps me going when I’m on the verge of giving up in every single way that I possibly can.
Here’s what I want you to know when you’re finally here…
My biggest fear is that you will look at my arm and see that things I did when I was younger is okay. I am terrified that you will experience such pain like I have that the only way to “manage” it is through carving it into your skin. Now, I’m not ashamed anymore of what I’ve done, but I hope that your father and I give you the sanctuary and the grace to know how to release without bringing harm upon yourself or others. I hope that you can cradle your loneliness and remind it that you’re there. Take a look at your anger and in that heated rage, find more solutions to break down barriers and move forward with change, instead of hiding your gifts from this world. We need them.
The worse thing that someone can say to you is “no.” But, only in such a way that it causes you to self doubt your possibilities. With your stubbornness, you look them in the eyes, and say “Watch me.” Then you go and tackle whatever they have said you are ever incapable of accomplishing. There are too many people who have lost themselves and are trying to bring others into the same mindset. Notice this. Wish them love and healing, then carry on with your bad*ss self. But, don’t race back to them to gloat about it… Hold this story close to remind yourself of YOUR power.
If ever you feel stuck, know that you can always be unstuck. Whether it’s asking for money from me because you forgot to pay a bill or quitting a job that does not value you (as I write this, I’m going through the latter). Whether you innately believe it or not, as my daughter, you will always find a way, somehow, you will make it work. Regardless of what others believe, even me at times, you will always have your best interests at heart, even if we can’t recognize them in that moment.
If ever you feel like the world is too much for you to handle. It’s okay to take time to yourself and sit in the dark while you cry or watch your favorite comforting show or movie. I do this quite often too. There’s nothing wrong with retreating. It’s how we lick our wounds, express emotions safely, be within ourselves.
I hope you dance or sing or play guitar or write. CREATE. You are a work of art, leave some of that behind. Also know when to keep some of this to yourself in order to maintain your expression. There’s a time to produce art for others and a time to produce it simply for yourself. Know the difference and honor that with all your being.
When you do a good deed, do it because you want to and are able to wholeheartedly. There are some people who seek the validation of others because they haven’t finished healing their wounds. You don’t need to share that you gave a man your last $2 at the gas station to help him get some gas and you were unsure when you would have money again. Sometimes, you’ve gotta do something that’s right because you need to be reminded that when you’re down, there will be someone else in a position to do the same for you. Good will always recognize good.
I’ll leave you with this… I’m nowhere near ready to become a mother, but when the time comes, I take comfort in knowing that it will be to you. I’ll see you when we’re ready.