I'm a hopeless romantic, as I'm sure many of us are, and you know what's heartbreaking? Knowing there's something who is staying in bed on a Friday night, eating ice cream, crying over a lack of relationship, because they are too depressed to go out. I have been that person. Yeah, you're not the only one.
I feel guilty about the person who sees all their friends in relationships and thinks to themselves "why does nobody want me?" I feel downright nasty about anyone who is belittled, catcalled, or told they're nothing more than a one night stand. I feel crushed by the weight of thinking anyone valuing the feeling of being wanted over being valued.
Yeah, there's a difference.
So this person is for the little ones who dream of being treated like princesses and the others who want to be heroes. The mothers, with young daughters, who are playing two roles, and the fathers doing the same for their sons. The young people with low self-esteem and broken hearts that have never known another love and helplessly search for it in between the seams. The bosses who are called "intimidating" and are too scared to let their true skin show. To the people worldwide who just never seem to be in the know.
We're about to break the mold.
The person you're going to date is yourself.
First, stop being scared to go out alone. I mean utterly alone. Without your friends, without your man, without your kids, or your dog. It's time you put on your best shoes and stepped out as confident. And just so you don't think I'm picking on you, I want you to hand this list I'm about to drop on you to your best friends. I want you to show them and be like "yeah, it's time you realized this too." So here's how you become the star, instead of the background:
Pick one day out of the week and make it yours.
Don't worry about what time your show comes on, who has texted you, and where everyone else wants you to be. Don't worry about how bad the day before was or what's going to happen tomorrow. You make a promise to yourself to celebrate you, just you.
Wake up whenever you want and put on your best.
If you feel like a queen in a t-shirt and jeans, wear it. If all you need is a pair of stilettos and a dress, get it! No make-up, a classic red lip (I see you T-Swift), or a special smoky look, take your time. Fellas put on that suit or that look and flex. Non-binaries, do what makes you feel the most you. Look at yourself and go "SH*T, I LOOK GOOD! D*MN, I'M THAT ONE!" I'm so serious. You don't have to curse but you do have to feel like the day is yours.
Take yourself out to brunch, lunch, or to the coffee shop.
Yes, I want you to go to your favorite spot solo. Don't worry about who will look at you. It's not about them, remember? Go, order your favorite meal, have a glass of something refreshing, and put your phone DOWN. Yes, take a photo for Instagram if you must but post it later. Trust me, social media will still be there when you get done. Look at the people around you, look at the details in your favorite space, get a seat outside or by the windows and just enjoy this time. If you're headed to the coffee shop, take a journal and start a list of all the reasons you should date yourself again and all the things you're grateful for.
The rest of the day is yours, do whatever you like!
My favorite thing to do on solo days is get up early, take a hike (or do some yoga), go home for breakfast, shower, put on my best, take myself shopping, go to lunch, come back home and pop in my favorite movie while I snuggle with my cat Peanut.
Make sure you wait until nightfall to rejoin social media.
You wish I had told you that first, right? No. I know you. You would have bailed on me, most importantly on yourself. You deserve to be appreciated and celebrated, darling. You can't always expect everyone else to do it when you won't even give yourself the time of day.
So what's the conclusion?
Everyone should be willing to date themselves.
We need to unplug for a day. We need to love our bodies, love our minds, and feed our souls without constantly feeding into the lies of "how sad for her, she has no man." Or, "you need to stop being so picky, your standards are too high."
Excuse me, have you seen what women can do without a man? Have you seen what they can do with one? Have you seen what happens when you let love be love? Why does it matter that someone doesn't have a ring on their finger or a significant other or kids or loves another of the same gender? Why does it matter that she is trans or they are non-binary or they are not of the same race or religion or culture? Why is that your problem or business?
More people should go to the bookstore alone, to an event alone, to whatever their heart desires. Be brave enough to show up for yourself and you never know who you'll inspire. Be smart enough to realize nobody is going to make you take care of you, this is your choice. You've got to realize you are worth taking care of and loving.
So, friends, it's time you drop the mic on the stage and step out into the real world. You may be going out there alone but imagine, on every corner of the world, another brave person is stepping out there with you too.
Who is brave enough to take the challenge and share what happened?
I am a self starter extraordinaire with a knack for empowering people to cultivate their best lives. Cooking is therapeutic for my sanity. I'd rather spend my day on a spontaneous road trip with my best friends than shopping, but Target has my heart. If I'm not at the bookstore with my mom, taking a nap, or on the couch binge watching something with my cat and my boyfriend, I'm probably at the dining room table working.